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At one point in “Cosmopolis,” Robert Pattinson is having dinner with his wife and says, “This is good.  We’re talking.  This is how people talk.”  And I laughed, and wanted to tell him: sorry, buddy, but there’s not a person on earth who talks the way you are talking.   The whole movie is very stylized, with dialogue that sounds like it’s out of a bad David Mamet play: stagey and formal and abstract.  This isn’t a movie about people; this is a movie about words.  It might be a movie about ideas, but I’m not really sure.  I listened to the characters talk for a long time, but I was never sure they were actually talking about anything.

The whole thing takes place in a swanky limousine, more or less.  Robert Pattinson plays a billionaire dot com wizard who is in the process of losing hundreds of millions of dollars by betting against the Yuen (I think.)  He decides to get a haircut across town, and it takes him all day to get there.  His security guys walk along outside the limo, keeping him updated on various traffic delays as well as “credible threats” on his life. Several people visit him in his limo, including his business partners, his doctor (who does a prostate exam in vehicle,) a prostitute, and his art dealer.  He has “conversations” with all of them, though none of them sounds like any kind of conversation a normal person would have.

There’s a lot of talk about money, and being rich, and feeling empty and disconnected from the world.  There’s a lot of talk about human connection, and sex, and there’s an awful lot of sex for a guy basically stuck in a car.  “Cosmopolis” strives to say something profound about these topics, but I didn’t hear anything terribly profound expounded.  Others might feel differently.  I felt like I was listening to a bunch of smart people stroke their egos by showing off their big vocabularies.


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